Two Texans were having the blue plate special at their favorite watering
hole, when they heard this awful choking sound.   They turned around to see a
lady, a few bar stools down, turning blue from wolfing down an Armadillo
Burger too fast.
  
The first Texan said to the other, "Think we otta' help?"

"Yep," said the second Texan.

The first Texan got up and walked over to the lady and asked, "Kin yew
breathe?"     She shook her head no.  

"Kin yew speak?" he asked.    She again shook her head no.

With that, he helped her to her feet, lifted up her skirt, and started to 
lick her on the butt.  She was so shocked, she coughed up the obstruction 
and began to breathe, with great relief.

The first Texan turned back to his friend and said, "Funny how that there 
Hind Lick Maneuver works ever' time!"
 
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Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a
couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Earl, said "lookey thar up ahead,
Bubba, it's a po-leece roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these
here beers!!"

Don't worry, Earl",  Bubba said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin'
these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the
bottles under the seat".

"What fer?", asked Earl.

"Just let me do the talkin', OK?", said Bubba.

Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the
seat, and each put a label on their forehead.

When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said,
"You boys been drinkin'?"

"No, sir", said Bubba. "We're on the patch. 

- Dee